Children don’t want to share for many reasons that are closely related to their emotional and social development. As a parent or caregiver, you may sometimes feel frustrated when you see that your child does not want to share toys with others. However, it is worth remembering that this is natural behavior at a certain stage of development.
How to react when a child does not want to share
When you notice that your child doesn’t want to share, it’s important to respond in a way that helps him understand the value of sharing, but at the same time respects his feelings. Here are some of the strategies we use at Butterfly 3 preschool and that you can use at home:
- Remain calm – do not react with anger or frustration. Calmly explain to your child why sharing is important.
- Appreciate attempts to share – when you notice your child sharing something, even if it’s a small thing, praise them for this behavior.
- Model the behavior – show your child how you share with others. Children learn by imitation.
- Set rules – if your child plays with others, set clear rules about sharing toys.
- Give your child a choice – instead of forcing them to share everything, let your child choose the toys they want to share.
Practical ways to encourage your child to share
Encouraging a child to share requires patience and consistency. At Butterfly 3 preschool, we use a variety of methods to help children understand the value of sharing and develop this skill. One effective way is through additional activities in the kindergarten and group games in which sharing is a key element. You can introduce similar games at home, involving siblings or inviting your child’s friends. Another important aspect is learning empathy. Helping children understand how others feel when someone doesn’t want to share with them. You can talk to your child about the feelings of others using simple examples from everyday life. For example, ask, “How would you feel if a friend didn’t want to share his new toy with you?” Such conversations help your child develop empathy and understand the perspective of others.
The role of parents in forming the habit of sharing
As a parent, you play a key role in forming the habit of sharing in your child. Your example is the best teacher. Show your child how you share with others – it could be sharing food, lending things to neighbors or helping others. While doing so, explain why you are doing it and the benefits of sharing. It is also important not to force your child to share everything. Every child needs to feel that he has something that belongs only to him. In kindergarten Butterfly 3 we teach children that some things are worth sharing. You can apply a similar principle at home, allowing your child to have a few special toys just for himself, while encouraging sharing with others. One effective solution is to introduce the “in a moment” rule. When you see that your child doesn’t want to share a toy, you can suggest that he share it in a certain amount of time, for example, in 5 minutes. This gives your child a sense of control and teaches planning. You can use a timer so your child knows when it’s time to share.
Why don’t children want to share?
Our observations have allowed us to identify several main reasons why toddlers may be reluctant to share. It is worth remembering that these behaviors are a natural stage of a child’s development and do not indicate selfishness or bad parenting. Here are the most common reasons we’ve noticed:
- Sense of ownership – young children often treat toys as an extension of themselves. For them, giving away a toy can be equivalent to giving away a part of themselves.
- Lack of understanding of the concept of sharing – younger children may not understand that sharing does not mean losing a toy forever.
- Egocentrism – this is a natural stage of development in which children focus mainly on their own needs and desires.
- Fear of loss – a child may fear that if he shares a toy, he won’t get it back.
- Lack of social skills – sharing requires developed social skills that children are just learning.
How to develop the ability to share in different age groups?
At Butterfly 3 preschool, we adapt our methods of teaching sharing to the age of the children. Here are some tips on how you can support your child’s development of this skill based on their age:
Children aged 2-3 years:
- At this age, children are reluctant to share mainly because of a strong sense of ownership. Start with simple sharing games, such as passing a ball to each other.
- Use short, simple messages, such as “Now Anna, now you.”
- Praise your child for every attempt, even the smallest, to share.
Children aged 4-5:
- At this stage, children begin to understand the concept of sharing, but they may still have difficulty with it.
- Introduce group games that require cooperation and sharing of toys.
- Talk to your child about the feelings of others when your child doesn’t want to share
- Set clear rules about sharing when playing with other children.
Children ages 6-7:
- Older preschoolers are already capable of empathy and understanding the perspective of others.
- Encourage your child to resolve sharing conflicts on his own.
- Introduce the concept of “fair share” and let your child decide how to share toys or snacks with siblings or friends.
The role of the environment in developing the habit of sharing
A child’s environment has a huge impact on the development of sharing skills. At Butterfly 3 preschool, we create an atmosphere that encourages cooperation and sharing. Here’s how you can create a similar environment at home:
- Organize a space conducive to sharing – create places in the home for shared play, where children will naturally share toys.
- Introduce a “basket of common toys” – Designate certain toys as “common” that everyone has equal access to.
- Model sharing behavior – show your child how you share with other family members or neighbors.
- Invite others – organize meetings with other children, creating opportunities for sharing and cooperation.
- Read books about sharing – use children’s literature that deals with the topic of sharing to talk to your child.
At Butterfly 3 preschool, we know that every child is different and develops at his own pace, so we always take an individual approach to each little ward, supporting him in acquiring social skills. We encourage you to work systematically with your child, appreciate his efforts and create positive situations conducive to learning to share. Together we can make your child an empathetic, open-minded and sensitive young person.
