Raising a child is one of the most difficult social roles in an adult’s life. It is a difficult job, often requiring enormous amounts of patience, care and dedication of one’s own time. Parenting methods should be adapted to the age and development of the child, always remembering to respect each other and remain calm.
One of the biggest challenges in raising a child is learning to follow orders and accept refusal. Children don’t know what can and can’t be done, and parents are there not only to show them the world, but also to skillfully set limits and teach them to understand the word “no.” This is a difficult task, so it is all the more important to know what to do when a child does not understand the word “no” and how to help him tolerate refusal.
Why doesn’t the child listen to commands?
It is very often the case that a young child does not understand instructions and tries to discover the world around him on his own. In the case of young children (two-, three-year-olds), this is particularly evident. Children may not understand commands if the commands are too general or if the child is overstimulated. This is especially evident in public places (amusement park, shopping mall, aquapark), where it is noisy and crowded. In such a situation, it is a good idea to make eye contact with the child, speak in a calm voice or simply find a secluded place with a calm atmosphere.
At each stage of development, a child has different needs and requirements. For smaller children, the priority is to explore the immediate environment, rather than focusing on listening to the other person. Here the solution may be to create a bond with the child, spend free time together or also have a calm conversation in which we ask why the child does not listen to us, explain why it should do something or why it is not allowed to do something. Here it is worth referring to specific arguments, rather than using phrases such as “do what I tell you to do” or “it will be as I want.” – The language of obedience will make the child shut down. Instead, let’s listen to the child and what he has to say. Later, we can give our arguments and try to make the conversation take on a bit more of a partnership.
What to do when a child does not listen to us?
Parents should remember to follow a few simple rules to effectively teach their child to actively listen and follow instructions. The basic rule is to remain calm in any situation, avoid raising your voice or getting upset. When a parent starts shouting, the child also gets stressed and upset, and such a situation leads nowhere. In addition, the child often does not understand why the adult is upset.
If we ask a child to do something, it is worth focusing on the content of the message itself – it should be clear, lucid and as precise as possible. A smaller child will not understand the command “clean the room”. – it is an expression that is too general, chaotic. Instead, you can say more specifically (“put the toys in the box”, “put the clothes in the closet”, “hang the jacket on the hanger”). At the same time, try not to rush the child and not to give several commands at once, because the child will also get confused.
When a child ignores a request, it is common for the parent to relent and, for example, clean the room himself. This is also not a good idea, because the child learns this way that he doesn’t have to do anything, because in the end the parent will do it for him anyway. Children don’t know how much they can afford, and responsible parents should teach them to follow certain rules themselves. So it’s worth being consistent, because usually the fact that a four-year-old child doesn’t listen is due to the fact that the parents let him do everything, and only after some time they try to demand something.
Consistency also works the other way – parents who demand something from their child should set a good example themselves. For example, if they want to teach a child to use “magic words,” they themselves should also use them. If they want the child to listen to them, they themselves should also devote time and attention to the child, rather than dismissing or, worse, catering to the smartphone or TV.
When the child obeys the command, we can encourage and motivate him to do something, but here, too, it is worth remembering common sense. If every time the parents reward the child with candy or a new toy, it is no wonder that the child will just wait for the next “bribe” and will not do anything unselfishly. In return, you can praise the child (saying “I’m proud of you for cleaning your room” or “the toys are nicely arranged, now we can play together, because it’s easy to find everything”).
When a child is not listening to what is being said to him, it is also worth going for hearing tests to rule out a potential defect. Another type of disorder may be central auditory processing disorder. The child hears well, but does not listen, and is unable to focus on the content of the message directed to him. In such a situation, appropriate exercises and individually tailored therapy will help.
The child does not understand what he reads – is this a reason to worry?
Learning to read is one of the most important skills a child acquires. Reading is gradual – from learning single letters, reading in syllables to putting together simple words and sentences. The act of reading itself is, of course, not everything, as it is important to understand what is being read. Unfortunately, it is often difficult for children to concentrate and focus on a particular thing, which makes it seem that they cannot read with understanding. In such a situation, it is a good idea to encourage the child to read together, after finishing the reading or story, ask the child questions about the story read or ask him to tell it in his own words. The child should be provided with the right conditions while reading (adequate lighting, no distractions, quiet).
If reading difficulties persist longer, consider seeing a psychologist or psychotherapist. Lack of ability to read with comprehension can be a symptom of autism, ADHD, SI (sensory integration) disorders or the just-mentioned overstimulation, among others. Sometimes the causes are more mundane and may relate to vision or hearing disorders – that’s why it’s so important to have regular examinations of your child at preschool and school age, or to participate in so-called balance sheets. When detected early enough, vision or hearing defects can be fully cured and allow for normal functioning.
You can also use the help of a psychologist or speech therapist at the kindergarten your child attends. Kindergarten Motylek 3 allows each kindergartener to receive psychological care if necessary. In addition, teachers and assistants are properly trained to notice potential problems in a child’s development early enough, which also promotes their full recovery. Preschool groups in our institution are small (up to fifteen people), which further promotes learning, play and full development.
